Spencer Brown came out publicly on June 29th and it’s been a journey, but also a momentous step for him. Through all turmoils and triumphs that led him to this, he offered up some words to Billboard. In this article, we would like to recap them.
Where It Began
Six years ago, Brown realized his sexual identity. After struggling with it for years prior, he found his place in the global dance scene. Above & Beyond discovered his EP and signed him to Anjunabeats. His first EP released on the late Avicii’s Le7els imprint. He toured with Avicii on his 2014 True tour. Spencer also holds the power in emotive and complex progressive house productions. His successes came from his friends and family that grew as his career did.
Now with Stream of Consciousness out this year, Brown says the dance music community saved him during his darkest times. This is what he had to say:
Imagine waking up daily with unshakable self-hate without knowing why. School starts in an hour; crippling anxiety keeps you under your sheets. You stumble into the bathroom and look in the mirror [and] you see a person you don’t understand. You drive to school; [then] drown your thoughts with the loudest music you own. Try to suppress your natural feelings and emotions; you tell yourself that love is an idiotic fairytale. This was my, and many others’, reality for over a decade, but I’ve learned that mornings don’t have to be that way.
Where He Is Now
The 26-year-old San Francisco based dance music producer is a DJ, engineer, and gay. He’s released two albums, countless EPs we love, toured the world, and played the greatest events. He produced music with his idols including Avicii, deadmau5, and A&B. All the work he put in over the years helped him discover and most importantly, love himself.
As anyone struggling with their sexual identity knows, it is not as easy to talk about back then as it is now. But let Spencer be your guiding light, because you should not live in fear. Brown came from a heteronormative community, hardwired in believing that boys take girls to prom and gay people were mystical creatures. They existed outside his bubble.
Anything that was stupid was commonly coined “gay,” and anyone annoying was routinely considered a “f—-t.” My only solace became dance music. As a teenager, I would sneak into shows to be a part of a beautiful community where all races, genders, sexualities, and religions came together to celebrate life. It didn’t matter who you were, and it still doesn’t. As long as you bring good energy, you are welcome. It was where I belonged, and it’s still where I belong.
Strength Through Adversity
So, he focused on his passion: music producing. Escaping the girl-focused reality, he fell into confusion. Brown suffered anxiety attacks, inner self-hatred, and depression. He also had OCD, which made him hyper focused on intrusive thoughts that halted his daily life.
As he struggled with the thought of losing friends, no promising future, and a sexual identity crisis, he took that fear and let it wake him up. Not giving up or giving in to mental illness is vital to growth. With therapy, social support, and courage, he started his journey to self-awareness and gratitude.
To read the complete story, you can access it here. We love Spencer Brown for everything he is. And we are proud that he took a huge leap of faith in humanity.